As the ancient saying goes, I believe it to be very true: You are who you hang around with.
I believe it, in a sense, that you start to become these people. Whoever it may be that you spend those long hours with, your body, mind, soul all change.
It won't happen instantly, but you'll notice it as your washing dishes, or choosing a television show, or driving home. It'll catch your attention and you'll realize, you've become a little bit more like your friend Sam, or Jess, or even a little bit like that rebel, Kiera. Their ideas and morals and goals and laughs and dreams, suddenly are your ideas and morals and goals and laughs and dreams.
I wouldn't define this as a bad thing, not at all; I would categorize this as a magic--a magic that hasn't been ran off this Earth, yet. Granted, all magics can be scary, can be fatal if not used properly. You must choose wisely, who it is, you wish to be more like, who it is, you surround yourself with.
The only cure, of bad magic--of bad influence--is to leave and find new people, new friends. Once you begin to hang around with new, different people, the old magic fades away as if it were never a part of you.
And again, it will be sudden, it will be slight, but it will leave. And you'll notice it, whether you're laying in bed, or grocery shopping, or tying your shoe--the person you used to be, is gone, with the people you used to be.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
A Letter to Her
A letter to all of the beautiful women, who once held his heart:
There is no greater desire than to go back in time and know who you're going to end up with in the end. I mean, if I had one chance to rewind--and make sure I only spent time pursing the ONE who was destined to be mine forever--I would take it in a heartbeat.
Looking back, at all the hours and effort spent trying to make old relationships work out, all the promises of "forever," and the belief that he was it. I begin to no longer see you as an enemy--as an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-fling and instead, I start to feel like I'm looking at my own reflection. Of course, we're different...
But I know, I know what it's like to have a birthday tattooed on your heart--dates and memories and kisses and apologies and fights and laughs and all those tears engraved in your heart.
So, I try not to get upset or mad or envious when I see or hear or assume something of you. Because, who am I, to be angry at the good times you both shared.
Nonetheless, my jealousy seems to run rampant sometimes, knowing you have parts of him that'll never be mine. Like his first kiss, that first look of love, and the first time his unsteady hand touched your bare back--countless numbers of firsts, that so many other girls got and will keep.
It's crazy how life works itself out; everyone giving everyone parts of themselves they'll never get back. And no matter how hard you wish, to get those parts back, it's impossible--all we can do is hope they're not lost in a bitter heart.
And so, I've decided, we each got something the other will never have and instead of the constant want and need to get them from each other (or at least, me from you,) my only request, is that you never forget him. Because I'll never forget mine.
And although you may never read this, just know that the cliche war between the new girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend, will never be me to you. And if it ever seemed to be, remember that old mirror we share.
There is no greater desire than to go back in time and know who you're going to end up with in the end. I mean, if I had one chance to rewind--and make sure I only spent time pursing the ONE who was destined to be mine forever--I would take it in a heartbeat.
Looking back, at all the hours and effort spent trying to make old relationships work out, all the promises of "forever," and the belief that he was it. I begin to no longer see you as an enemy--as an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-fling and instead, I start to feel like I'm looking at my own reflection. Of course, we're different...
But I know, I know what it's like to have a birthday tattooed on your heart--dates and memories and kisses and apologies and fights and laughs and all those tears engraved in your heart.
So, I try not to get upset or mad or envious when I see or hear or assume something of you. Because, who am I, to be angry at the good times you both shared.
Nonetheless, my jealousy seems to run rampant sometimes, knowing you have parts of him that'll never be mine. Like his first kiss, that first look of love, and the first time his unsteady hand touched your bare back--countless numbers of firsts, that so many other girls got and will keep.
It's crazy how life works itself out; everyone giving everyone parts of themselves they'll never get back. And no matter how hard you wish, to get those parts back, it's impossible--all we can do is hope they're not lost in a bitter heart.
And so, I've decided, we each got something the other will never have and instead of the constant want and need to get them from each other (or at least, me from you,) my only request, is that you never forget him. Because I'll never forget mine.
And although you may never read this, just know that the cliche war between the new girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend, will never be me to you. And if it ever seemed to be, remember that old mirror we share.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
The Sun and her Moon
As the story goes, there is a long, lost love in the midst of the heavens.
Most have misunderstood, though, the true tale of the two--the Sun and her Moon. Or perhaps, they only choose to hear what fits best, what seems proper, what seems usual...
The Sun, was a color, no Earthly words could describe. Ever-changing and beautiful; so unpredictable, never gave the same sunrise or sunset twice. She was powerful and free; her name was known and somewhat feared. She hurt a lot of people that spent too much time with her. She's killed many things with no regret, or any slight bit of an apology.
And let us not forget, the great and mysterious Moon. Nothing like the Sun, except shining and giving off light. However, that too, was only because of the Sun and how she reflected off of him.
His presence was mostly peaceful and magical. He was quiet and serene, like a handsome dream. Of course, he had some dark secrets, but hid them well in his dark corners.
They, the Sun and Moon, were complete opposite. Yet, they were in love and always found a reason to need the other. In the beginning, they spent so much time side by side, countless hours turning into days and soon, the Earth was raging. Tidal waves and hurricanes, clouds of dust and hot, humid rain started to devour the codependent Earth. They realized that their love could go on, but the Earth wouldn't. And so, they decided to not give up something so incredible and wonderful and they turned their backs away from each other and catered to the Earth.
Since the beginning of time, these two were both depended on keeping the Earth in order. They did this by always being on time and sharing sides and never letting their feelings for each other cast a shadow on the naive Earth.
No one really knows how it all began, the love affair of the bold Sun and the sweet Moon. No one will ever know--but the eclipsed shadows sometime spill out over the Earth and that is when they choose to be selfish with time.
If the two greatest entities of the heavens, below God himself, could give up a love so angelic, so bewitching, so perfect what does that have to say about this Earth of ours? What does this have to say, about you and me?
Most have misunderstood, though, the true tale of the two--the Sun and her Moon. Or perhaps, they only choose to hear what fits best, what seems proper, what seems usual...
The Sun, was a color, no Earthly words could describe. Ever-changing and beautiful; so unpredictable, never gave the same sunrise or sunset twice. She was powerful and free; her name was known and somewhat feared. She hurt a lot of people that spent too much time with her. She's killed many things with no regret, or any slight bit of an apology.
And let us not forget, the great and mysterious Moon. Nothing like the Sun, except shining and giving off light. However, that too, was only because of the Sun and how she reflected off of him.
His presence was mostly peaceful and magical. He was quiet and serene, like a handsome dream. Of course, he had some dark secrets, but hid them well in his dark corners.
They, the Sun and Moon, were complete opposite. Yet, they were in love and always found a reason to need the other. In the beginning, they spent so much time side by side, countless hours turning into days and soon, the Earth was raging. Tidal waves and hurricanes, clouds of dust and hot, humid rain started to devour the codependent Earth. They realized that their love could go on, but the Earth wouldn't. And so, they decided to not give up something so incredible and wonderful and they turned their backs away from each other and catered to the Earth.
Since the beginning of time, these two were both depended on keeping the Earth in order. They did this by always being on time and sharing sides and never letting their feelings for each other cast a shadow on the naive Earth.
No one really knows how it all began, the love affair of the bold Sun and the sweet Moon. No one will ever know--but the eclipsed shadows sometime spill out over the Earth and that is when they choose to be selfish with time.
If the two greatest entities of the heavens, below God himself, could give up a love so angelic, so bewitching, so perfect what does that have to say about this Earth of ours? What does this have to say, about you and me?
Monday, March 16, 2015
An Ode to the Stars
During my Natural Science class tonight, I couldn't help but be bored out of my mind. However, when I heard the word "stars," I paused my thoughts of what I was having for dinner, and listened...
As the professor talked about atoms and how they're reused and never reproduced, he mentioned something about the stars. He explained how our ancient stars explode sometimes and that's how our atoms were created. How cool is it to think, that the atoms in my hair, could be the same that rested on Cleopatra's crown--or the same atoms that make up my little red Neon, could be the same of an Indian's canoe. But, the most interesting conclusion, is that these lovely stars that I adore, make up the people I love, and hate, and miss, and kiss, and pass by on the freeway.
This is my ode to the majestic stars; but lets face it, no words on Earth could describe the phenomenon.
My favorite place on Earth, has to be your arms
But my favorite sight to see, has got to be the stars.
To think, that all this time ago, some great being thought of you
And knew, that this all would mean, I would fall in love, too.
With a burst, a flame, a shift and tug
Some stars began to fade; they flew and ran and became my mouth--
Giving me ability to speak your name.
They're a brilliance I can't stop thanking, a divinity I can't deny.
For, the same stars I see, were the same Amelia saw shine.
Oh these lights that once guided Mary home,
Also have guided me.
And the few of which have died since then,
Landed deep, between our warm, sweet sheets.
Knowing that these stars hold secrets, no scientist will ever know;
I've come to wonder how it is, my hand can't seem to let yours go.
And when I start to explain why it's okay for me to think,
These stars sing each other back to sleep
I've got to remind myself the way,
Your heart beat sings "sweet dreams."
As the professor talked about atoms and how they're reused and never reproduced, he mentioned something about the stars. He explained how our ancient stars explode sometimes and that's how our atoms were created. How cool is it to think, that the atoms in my hair, could be the same that rested on Cleopatra's crown--or the same atoms that make up my little red Neon, could be the same of an Indian's canoe. But, the most interesting conclusion, is that these lovely stars that I adore, make up the people I love, and hate, and miss, and kiss, and pass by on the freeway.
This is my ode to the majestic stars; but lets face it, no words on Earth could describe the phenomenon.
My favorite place on Earth, has to be your arms
But my favorite sight to see, has got to be the stars.
To think, that all this time ago, some great being thought of you
And knew, that this all would mean, I would fall in love, too.
With a burst, a flame, a shift and tug
Some stars began to fade; they flew and ran and became my mouth--
Giving me ability to speak your name.
They're a brilliance I can't stop thanking, a divinity I can't deny.
For, the same stars I see, were the same Amelia saw shine.
Oh these lights that once guided Mary home,
Also have guided me.
And the few of which have died since then,
Landed deep, between our warm, sweet sheets.
Knowing that these stars hold secrets, no scientist will ever know;
I've come to wonder how it is, my hand can't seem to let yours go.
And when I start to explain why it's okay for me to think,
These stars sing each other back to sleep
I've got to remind myself the way,
Your heart beat sings "sweet dreams."
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Ready, OK!
Yesterday was my last day as a cheer leading coach, and let me tell you, it was not the cheeriness that got me through the long month.
These girls were nothing but trouble: loud, rude, prideful, and mean. Looking back to my first day, I remember walking into the school thinking "this is will the world's funnest job." I would be coaching some twelve year olds, be a positive role model, and we can all talk about nail polish and boys and do homework together!
Turns out, I was the rebound coach--the coach who stepped in for their beloved ex-coach who *cough cough* yes, bailed. They hated me, they hated my rules, my cheers, my tactics, my ideas, my plans... the list continues to this day.
From being called a bitch, to mocked, to being ignored, and sometimes even yelled at-- I've had it all.
I kept fighting with myself, quit-don't quit-quit-don't quit. Welp, I stuck with it.
Now, today, the first day of something different I'll be teaching or tutoring, I can't help but hope they're all in my new class... Yes, even the girls who called me names and make me want to pull my hair out.
I want to see their wild eyes and dirty faces in my seats, eager to make fun of whatever weird lesson plan I have ready for the day. I want to hear their loud, loud voices yelling or "talking" in my class. I want to hear their excuses and demands. I want the four quiet ones and the ten crazies.
Today, when I walk into the boundaries of the school, there are a few things I'm already going to know, along with a lot more I'm going to have to learn.
I'm going to know that those fourteen girls are rough, not because of their language or clothing, but because they've been through it all--bad and good, but mostly bad. I'm going to know that those girls were mean, not because of hatred towards me, but fear. Who was I, to walk into their school and assume I was what these girls needed to succeed? And finally, I'm going to know that these girls are a family. Even though the love might not be bright and shining, it sure does flow through each of them and out to the other.
And yesterday, when I hugged them each goodbye and handed out awards, I knew that this team of mine didn't need me, I needed them.
And next time one of them gets on my last nerve, I'm going to have to come back and re-read this.
These girls were nothing but trouble: loud, rude, prideful, and mean. Looking back to my first day, I remember walking into the school thinking "this is will the world's funnest job." I would be coaching some twelve year olds, be a positive role model, and we can all talk about nail polish and boys and do homework together!
Turns out, I was the rebound coach--the coach who stepped in for their beloved ex-coach who *cough cough* yes, bailed. They hated me, they hated my rules, my cheers, my tactics, my ideas, my plans... the list continues to this day.
From being called a bitch, to mocked, to being ignored, and sometimes even yelled at-- I've had it all.
I kept fighting with myself, quit-don't quit-quit-don't quit. Welp, I stuck with it.
Now, today, the first day of something different I'll be teaching or tutoring, I can't help but hope they're all in my new class... Yes, even the girls who called me names and make me want to pull my hair out.
I want to see their wild eyes and dirty faces in my seats, eager to make fun of whatever weird lesson plan I have ready for the day. I want to hear their loud, loud voices yelling or "talking" in my class. I want to hear their excuses and demands. I want the four quiet ones and the ten crazies.
Today, when I walk into the boundaries of the school, there are a few things I'm already going to know, along with a lot more I'm going to have to learn.
I'm going to know that those fourteen girls are rough, not because of their language or clothing, but because they've been through it all--bad and good, but mostly bad. I'm going to know that those girls were mean, not because of hatred towards me, but fear. Who was I, to walk into their school and assume I was what these girls needed to succeed? And finally, I'm going to know that these girls are a family. Even though the love might not be bright and shining, it sure does flow through each of them and out to the other.
And yesterday, when I hugged them each goodbye and handed out awards, I knew that this team of mine didn't need me, I needed them.
And next time one of them gets on my last nerve, I'm going to have to come back and re-read this.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
What When Where Who Why How
With the particular holiday approaching, I deem it appropriate for yet another post on the infamous subject of love.
What does it mean anyway, to love?
Is it a million red, velvet roses outside your apartment? Or a diamond ring? Is is twenty-five years of marriage; is it a bond only for the mature?
When are we allowed to begin to love?
After high school, after grad school or after we're married (in my dad's terms?) Does it have to happen after a certain point in our lives; is the point as obvious as clicking an ON switch?
Where are we able to love?
Only in our bedrooms, behind closed doors? Only in front of everyone, never alone? Only on February 14th?
Who are the people we can love?
Clean people? Nice people? Our parents and children and spouses? Celebrities? God?
Why can we love?
As a thank you for gifts? Obliged by family or friends? Everyone else is doing it?
How can we love?
Politely? Showing appreciation, with gifts? Talking about how much feelings we have to give away?
Suppose, the perspective of love was turned inside out and we began to learn what the truth behind Love is instead of these generic versions of who, what, when, where, why and how's.
What if it meant to wake up early in the morning to drive down the freeway to find your friend whose car has a flat? What if it were the smell of a warm plate of dinner that your roommate made for you because she/he knows what a long day you've had.
Must we not include the youth who are deeply and passionately in love, some more than our own parents. What if loving could happen whenever we wake up and live each day and go back to sleep that night.
And what if it meant to hold the hand of a stranger, or an angry student who just got into a fight. Being able to love outside of our comfort zones; be able to love in places we've never dreamed of.
Lets love the people who go out of their way to make our numbered days on this Earth better. Love the neighbor who voluntarily mows your lawn, since he's already doing his own; the girl who holds the door open for you even though you're nowhere near the entrance; and the stranger who smiles back at you.
Start to see and hear the reasons why you should love. See all the insignificant, small and practically unnoticeable things people do for YOU. Hear the words of affirmation and encouragement and accept them as true gifts...and give them back, with thank-yous and i-love-yous.
Answer this question, over the lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey Valentine's Day weekend.
What, when, where, who, why, and how do you love?
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Love on the WWW
So, lately everyone has been showing their love for each other on the World Wide Web and quite frankly, I'm a little disturbed by the amount of attention these posts receive. . .
Since when did a WCW and MCM or a hashtag "goals" determine what love is? Like did I miss this train?
Dear anyone and everyone,
having your boyfriend or girlfriend or high school crush or best friend post something about how much they love you means absolutely nothing. No amount of favorites or likes you get on a picture dedicated to a significant other justifies a shallow relationship. Goals of big booties or chiseled abs, owning expensive vehicles (we all know is nowhere in your future, at least not nearly, sorry,) gigantic diamond rings or a girl who is constantly lifting weights and before you know it, the muscles on her fingers will be bigger than your... well, you picture.
If you're concerned because the paragraph your bf posted on a picture of you on IG isn't enough, you've got real security issues. The same goes for you dudes out there! Thinking that there must be constant interaction over social media is just silly and unappealing and honestly, childish.
This new age of technology and social media like Twitter or Instagram or yes, even the old Facebook gives people reason to believe that if your relationship status isn't "taken" or if you're not tweeting about them every single minute, your practically broken up! I'm tired of hearing about how so and so's relationship is doomed because he/she never posts about the other. Or assuming there is a feud between two friends because of a darn status update. I thought we left this kind of behavior back on our top 8 for MySpace.
Jealous? Bitter? No, just over it. I want to see passion, respect, sincerity in everyone's relationship. Even with the many battles one may come with, if you're still in it, work to make it better from the inside out. The WWW does not need to see how "happy" you two are together; the WWW needs to know absolutely nothing! Give each other some respect and instead of posting about how much you love each other, show it (and I don't mean on the internet.)
Guilty as charged, I too have posted, tweeted, shared photos of boyfriends and best girl friends...And I'm not saying completely stop. Just work toward a bigger goal than a hundred likes; before posting about how much you love somebody for all the world to know, make sure they know it, too.
Live Laugh and Love on Social Media, just don't make it to be what defines you or anyone else for that matter.
All aboard the choo choo train, next stop: real love, not hashtags!
Since when did a WCW and MCM or a hashtag "goals" determine what love is? Like did I miss this train?
Dear anyone and everyone,
having your boyfriend or girlfriend or high school crush or best friend post something about how much they love you means absolutely nothing. No amount of favorites or likes you get on a picture dedicated to a significant other justifies a shallow relationship. Goals of big booties or chiseled abs, owning expensive vehicles (we all know is nowhere in your future, at least not nearly, sorry,) gigantic diamond rings or a girl who is constantly lifting weights and before you know it, the muscles on her fingers will be bigger than your... well, you picture.
If you're concerned because the paragraph your bf posted on a picture of you on IG isn't enough, you've got real security issues. The same goes for you dudes out there! Thinking that there must be constant interaction over social media is just silly and unappealing and honestly, childish.
This new age of technology and social media like Twitter or Instagram or yes, even the old Facebook gives people reason to believe that if your relationship status isn't "taken" or if you're not tweeting about them every single minute, your practically broken up! I'm tired of hearing about how so and so's relationship is doomed because he/she never posts about the other. Or assuming there is a feud between two friends because of a darn status update. I thought we left this kind of behavior back on our top 8 for MySpace.
Jealous? Bitter? No, just over it. I want to see passion, respect, sincerity in everyone's relationship. Even with the many battles one may come with, if you're still in it, work to make it better from the inside out. The WWW does not need to see how "happy" you two are together; the WWW needs to know absolutely nothing! Give each other some respect and instead of posting about how much you love each other, show it (and I don't mean on the internet.)
Guilty as charged, I too have posted, tweeted, shared photos of boyfriends and best girl friends...And I'm not saying completely stop. Just work toward a bigger goal than a hundred likes; before posting about how much you love somebody for all the world to know, make sure they know it, too.
Live Laugh and Love on Social Media, just don't make it to be what defines you or anyone else for that matter.
All aboard the choo choo train, next stop: real love, not hashtags!
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